Title: The Body
Author: Susan
E-mail: susanf34@comcast.net

Classification: a moment-in-time vignette, 
Skinner's POV
Keyword: emotional angst
Rating: PG

Spoiler: This is Not Happening
Archive: No archive without permission.
Disclaimer: On paper, the character isn't mine.
In my head, he is.

****Warning: If you don't like to think about 
what happened at the end of this episode, then 
you probably shouldn't read this and be reminded 
of it all over again.

Author's notes: After watching "This is Not 
Happening" on TNT last night, I got to thinking 
about how Skinner might've reacted upon being 
told that Mulder's body was found out in the 
woods, and as hard as I tried to get the thoughts 
and images out of my head, I couldn't, which led 
to me writing this...

More notes at the end.

Summary: Why isn't anyone moving? Why the hell 
are they just standing there when there's a man 
on the ground?
*********************************************************

The Body
by Susan
~~~~

When they come to tell you, the hairs on the back 
of your neck immediately stand up, and the collar 
of your shirt suddenly feels tight.

He's dead.

That's your first thought.

The second one is that you have to see for yourself, 
you have to have proof because that's what he's 
always needed and what she's always needed and so 
you do too.

The next thing you know your legs are carrying you 
out into the woods deeper and deeper and the hole 
in your stomach is getting wider and wider and oh 
God what are you going to say to her if it really 
is him?

He's dead, Scully.

Your partner, your soul mate, your everything is 
dead.

No, you can't think like that. 

You have to be strong. You were in the Marines 
for god sakes, and Marines are strong.

And so are Assistant Directors in the FBI, so 
stand tall and take charge the way you're supposed 
to.

You keep walking then until you see them, and 
even though your legs now feel like rubber and 
your throat feels like it's covered in sandpaper 
you start walking over to where everyone is 
standing.

But why isn't anyone moving? Why the hell are 
they just standing there when there's a man on 
the ground?

Don't they know that he's hurt? Don't they know 
that he's supposed to be a father in a few months? 
Don't they know that Scully will kick all of their 
asses if they don't start doing something RIGHT 
NOW?

Your heart is screaming even louder in your chest 
now and in your ears and then you're there.

You're there and you're looking down at a man you 
don't recognize and he's not moving and you're 
not moving and his skin is torn and his eyes are 
closed and he's just a body a goddamn body that's 
not moving or thinking or feeling and oh god 
you're going to be sick if you don't look away.

But you can't look away.

You can't turn away from the man who was...no, the 
man who *is* your friend... because if you turn 
away he might open his eyes and he won't see you 
just like he wasn't able to see you that night in 
Oregon all those months ago.

The same night that's burrowed its way so deeply
into your gut it'll never go away.

And so you don't take your eyes off of the body, 
his body, and you bend down to touch his bare
shoulder to get the proof you don't really want.

His skin is pale and dry and hard and you can't
believe this is the same brilliant and witty man 
who dryly told you that night, "There's no such 
thing as a snipe, sir." 

And you can't believe you won't ever see him 
sitting in the chair in front of your desk again,
trying to convince you to believe in the impossible.

He's dead.

He's really dead, and now you have to be the one
to tell the woman who meant everything to him.

He's dead, Scully.

The father of your unborn child is dead.

And so you stand up again and take charge, ordering 
one of the men standing there to cover the body 
with a blanket and ordering the others to stand 
guard.

And then you take a deep breath and do what a 
strong man is supposed to do.

You go to her.


~end~

*Wow...are you as emotionally drained as I am?
All these years later, and I still get a pit in
my stomach whenever I watch the end of this
episode, and if you stuck with me this long, 
thank you so much for reading.:)

possibilities
http://possibilities.bravehost.com/

Originally posted November 2005.