Title: Greetings from Planet Mulder Author: Susan E-mail: touchstone98@tx.rr.com Classification: vignette Rating: G for goofiness Keyword: humor Spoiler: takes place when Scully is out at night looking for Mulder in the desert in Without Archive: No archive without permission. Disclaimer: These characters were put in this story for my own amusement and had no choice in the matter. Author's notes: Don't ask me how I came up with such silliness or why I chose to actually write it down. Just read it, shake your head at the absurdity of it, and say, "What the hell was she thinking when she wrote this?" Then put your fingers on the keyboard and send me an e-mail telling me you smiled at least once while you were reading it. It's that simple. More author's notes at the end. Summary: "So, your abduction was worthwhile then?" ************************************************************ Greetings from Planet Mulder by Susan ~~~~ Scully shielded her eyes from the bright lights on the bottom of the spacecraft. It was right above her now, and if she didn't know better, she'd be afraid. She'd also be skeptical of what she was seeing like she'd been every other time. But she wasn't afraid, and she wasn't skeptical. No, this time she was excited. And this time she knew exactly why it was here. Who else but Mulder would know that she was out here waiting for him in the middle of the Arizona desert? And who else but Mulder could convince a bunch of renegade aliens to fly to this exact spot? Taking a few steps backwards so that it had room to land, she anxiously watched as the ship smoothly landed right in front of her. In just a few more seconds, she would see the man she'd been missing terribly for the past three days. And a few more seconds after that, she'd tell him about their baby. Straightening up her shirt and running her palm over her perfectly coiffed hair, she leaned forward in anticipation. "Hey Scully, what do you think? Is she a beauty or what?" asked Mulder, his long, lean, half-naked body standing at the top of the stairs to the doorway of the craft. "I flew her here all by myself," he said, tapping his hand on the outside of the ship. "Pretty impressive, Mulder, but why the loincloth? I thought it was really cold where you were," she said, wondering if it was proper for her to go up the steps and greet him or if she should wait for him to come down. Bounding down the stairs, he rushed over to her and threw his muscular arms around her. "It was, but I'm feeling pretty warm right now," he remarked as he pulled her into an even tighter hug with those same muscular arms. "God, I missed you, Scully." "I missed you too." "I have so much to tell you, but first, you've got to come on board with me. You're not going to believe what I've done with the place. All new high tech computers in the control room as well as new leather seats," he said excitedly as they broke apart. She smiled. "Sounds classy." "Oh, it is. The guys had never even heard of leather before, but once I showed it to Them, They started changing the interiors of all their spacecrafts. And the sunflower seed thing...don't even get me started on that." "The sunflower seed thing?" she asked, a puzzled expression on her face. "Yeah, They like them now. Hell, They even eat them for breakfast, and I don't even do that." "So, your abduction was worthwhile then?" "Absolutely! I can't begin to tell you how much They taught me and how much I taught Them. Me and the aliens...we're like this now," he said, crossing two of his fingers to show just how close they were. "Although I could've done without this long scar They gave me," he added, running his finger down the middle of his chest. "It is kind of long, but I'm sure it won't take long to fade, and neither will these marks on your face," she commented as she turned his head from side to side so she could examine his cheeks. "I'm glad to hear you're getting along with Them so well though because I've got some news that's going to change everything for us...and Them." "What is it, Scully? You're not going to tell me that you're really part-alien, are you?" "No, I'm going to tell you that I'm pregnant." "Pregnant? No way." "Way." "Really?" "I just said I was, didn't I?" "Yeah, but correct me if I'm wrong here, but I thought you were experimented on and left barren." "Welcome to the wonderful world of getting pregnant the natural way, Mulder." "You mean..." "Yes." "But when?" "Sometime before we went to Oregon. I'm thinking it was probably Caddyshack night...or maybe it was Steel Magnolias night. If you recall, we didn't finish watching either movie." "No, we didn't. So, how do you feel?" "Better than I did a couple days ago, and now that you're back, you can hold my hair off my face when I get morning sickness so I won't have to do it myself. It was getting to be a real drag." "I'll hold any part of you that you want, Scully," he said, pressing both his lips and his hips against hers and then his tongue was in her mouth and her hand was in his loincloth and.... "Hey, are you two going to go at it like that all night? We've got three more stops to make before midnight," called out the Bounty Hunter from the top of the stairs. "Hey, BH, my woman here tells me we're having a baby," he called out proudly as he put his hand on her belly. "That's great, man, but we need to get a move on if we're going to make it to Phoenix, Santa Fe, and Dallas before midnight to pick up those last few abductees." "He's right. We really should get moving. So, what do you think, Scully? You wanna climb on board and take a ride on the wild side?" "I think I already did, Mulder," she replied with a smile, happily patting her abdomen. "Have I told you lately how much I love you?" "Actually, you did. I heard your voice in my head just this morning," she replied. "And I saw you in a vision too, which is why I knew you were coming for me tonight." "I'm impressed," he said smiling. "I'm also turned on." "I can see that," she said as she looked down at the rather tight loincloth now wrapped around his hips. "So, are we going to get this party started or what? You said you couldn't wait to show me what you did with the place...so show me." "Are you sure you don't want me to show you something else right now, Scully?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows at her. "Oh brother," said the Bounty Hunter from the top of the stairs. "You'd think you two had been separated for three years instead of three days. Just give her another kiss, Mulder, and you can do the rest of the stuff later. We're on a deadline," he said impatiently. And so Mulder did kiss her. And then they went aboard the ship where Scully was extremely impressed with the leather seats. And where the two of them later spent an hour on one of those extremely impressive leather seats doing the rest of *the stuff*. As for BH, not only did he make it to all three of his pickups on time, but he also received a commendation for the second year in a row for being the Friendliest and Most Efficient Bounty Hunter in Home Delivery. And as for the tiny baby Scully was carrying inside of her, even at only eight weeks old he knew that once he was born, he would eventually grow up to be just like his new buddy Gibson Praise. And that he would be a very special boy. ~end~ *Sometimes you just have to blow off some steam, you know? RL stuff's been a bear lately, and this made me laugh, and if by some coincidence, it made someone else laugh too, well then, that's pretty cool.:) Thanks for reading! possibilities http://possibilities.bravehost.com Originally posted January 2005.